Science & Faith
by Dylissia Jane
Summary: " You don't find this In books " Nick smiled. Pulling away to gauge her reactions. " It is what it is Sara " *** R & R ***
1. Chapter 1

Title – Science & Faith

Rating – Teen

Pairing – Nick & Sarah

Author Notes - This would be my first FF in years! So please forgive me if I am slightly rusty. I figure the best way to start would be taking a shot so here it is. Inspired by the script's song " Science & Faith "

Disclaimer – I do not own these characters – I'm simply toying for fun :)

Self sabotage – Self destructive behaviors. All play into the start of relationships sooner or later. That specific "shift" that changes everything. How the little things that were once intriguing suddenly become the catalyst for questioning your self worth – with arguments looming imminent as you carefully walk along eggshells to avoid confrontations as blissfully unaware as you perceive. Nick had realized the shift; had silently predicted the way Sara would react to the sudden breech of personal space. The things she had buried behind walls so carefully constructed now brazen almost brutal in the way they had come to his knowledge. Her past mistakes. Her alleged love affair from a distance. The way she would conduct herself seemed cold. At least now. He was yet to mention the "L" word. Out of fear for her skipping town. Or worse still skipping out on what they had.

Contemplation of a relationship hadn't occurred to either of them. It just didn't seem right to blur the lines of such a close friendship. Like a double edged sword – it struck to his core after the harsh realization that perhaps it would be a consideration. Nick kept his feelings on the brink for a long time. Months. Years. Quietly watching from a distance as the minutes melted into days, days into weeks, weeks into months and so forth. He was content with the arrangement. Never wanting to pursue a risk that would render him void of her. Sara's voice was low – stoic to the point that it was not a mere suggestion. Rather a statement of cold words that stung like ice floating across the room hitting his ear drums – his finger transfixed on the cup of coffee he had just poured himself. The ceramic warming his hands as he bowed his head down preparing for the blow.

" This connection your speaking of doesn't exist Nick " Sara stated coolly – her arms crossing her chest in a defiant argument. " There is no such thing as a spark – your attracted to me for two simple reasons " Her lips pursed together waiting for his reaction.

Nick calmly placed the mug flush with the table top; summing up the little restraint he had. This would be one of the countless conversations they had within weeks. They were getting closer to the point of questioning. Where is this relationship going? .

" So now your saying – There is no such thing as a connection ? "

" That's right Nick – you were attracted to me purely because of my BMI and Facial symmetry "

Nick exhaled watching the steam from his coffee rise; the curling tendrils calming him transfixed staring at her. Blatantly staring in disbelief at the most recent declaration on the theory of "We".

"Sar..." Nick started readjusting his tone to ensure he was not looking for another heated argument. Why couldn't she just see his point. Love is love. It's not science. There's that specific moment you KNOW you love somebody. You see them in everything you see. Every song you hear. Their name resounds in your mind over and over. You play memories of them as if silent films in your mind. Sometimes you fall into so many day dreams about them you literally hear the sound of film slapping around in your head until your plucked back into reality.

" It's not science. Feelings are not science. There is no logical explanation for the way you feel about somebody else. It's like seeing a mother with an unfortunate looking child. You sit there and question how could she love that ? "

"Love Nick"

Nick halted mid rant – Sara's eyes boring into the back of his skull. She rested her back against his sofa in mere attempt to look nonchalant as they exchanged gazes. Trying to make sense of what was unfolding before them. Nick stared innocently, his hands now clutching the mug as if it were a security blanket, his brow is furrowed almost painstakingly so. As if regret was a label stamped across his forehead. He once again ducked his head to avoid the scrutiny. He had seen the quiet recognition of confusion flash across her features before replaced with the mouth agape futility mask her usually stone exterior.

" Love is a state of mind " Sara argued to the silent audience.

" That's it " Nick pushed his chair from beneath him his body shifting before her in near record time. Faster than she had predicted his breath warm on her neck. His arms encircling her body pulling her towards him. She felt his hands creep from the small of her back, resting midway to pull her flush against his chest. Feeling his heart pound against her own. She felt his other hand gently tuck errant strands behind her ear, tangling them before smoothing them once more. " Is this a state of mind ? " He asked aloud.

Sara was side tracked. The sudden reality powerless against her arguments she had been spewing so freely moments ago now seemed trivial. How could she write this off as science. The physical shape of her demise was consoling her regardless of her arguments, her theories.

" You don't find this In books " Nick smiled. Pulling away to gauge her reactions. " It is what it is Sara "

Sara reached out for his hands. His hands were gentle, much like his nature. Despite the work they did. The amount of time spent encased in latex gloves, using sanitizer, scrubbing hands, cleaning. They were calloused to the touch, yet smooth, inviting.

Sara stood between two places. What she wanted. What she needed.

Standing in Nicks apartment. She felt a prick of guilt. Seeping through her pores, springing from her lips. Her throat becoming parched, dry, her lips moistened from a quick slip of the tongue, Eye lashes adorned her cheek bones hesitation echoing in her ear drums. Nicks ever patient gaze, observing waiting for some kind of cue. She could sense the dread, the worry. Could see it in his slumped shoulders, his weary eyes flickering in an attempt to read anything to suggest a way to react.

Gallantly he slowly raised his hand to caress her cheek, as a subtle way to encourage the words to come. Anything to give peace of mind. Some form of something to hang onto or an invitation to let go. Silently without words, he traced his fingers around the context of her facial features, his eyes never leaving hers. Her frame rigid to the touch. Strange to think of the intimate nature they have implored. Strange to think that between the sheets, they were so much closer than standing in Nicks living room. Strange to think that they have seen, tasted, touched, smelt, heard. Yet fully clothed – with no intimacy. They were as dysfunctional as ever.

Besides the ticking clocks, that rhythmically sung of time passing all that could be heard was the breathing patterns of two.

Nicks fingers entwined Sara's as the time continued on. Eventually his hand fell. After what seemed like hours with nothing coming through. No break through. No change of body contact. He finally gave in. He let go. Nick turned his back, his feet shuffling underfoot his shoulders dropping further.

It wasn't within seconds he felt her hand reach for his.

" Nick... "

Nick felt her slender fingers intrude between his tightly clenched finger tips, felt them snake around his digits before connecting with the palm of his hand. Her other hand resting on his shoulder, as her footsteps circled around him.

" What is it Sara ? "

*** To Be Continued ? *** Please Read & Review ***


	2. Chapter 2

Title – Science & Faith (Chapter 2)

Rating – Teen

Pairing – Nick & Sarah

Author Notes – Second Chapter – please take it easy on me I am just only getting back into writing – I appreciate all of the reviews i've received thank you all so much for lovely response, Please take the time to read and review once more I like to hear what people think and it inspires me to write more :)

Disclaimer – I do not own these characters – I'm simply toying for fun :)

She had left with questions loose in the air around them. With his hands falling against his legs, with wounded eyes. With his mouth agape. She had left as quickly as the argument had escalated. It wasn't so much a screaming match, just a heated debate. Nick swore he could see a Sara shaped hole in the door as she had reached for keys lunging away from him as her long strides led her past him – her hair errant with movement, her lips pursed with words unsaid, before the door swinging open, a look cast over her shoulder; hinting towards regret. Too soon to tell. Before the echo of a slammed door, dissipated against the walls.

Leaving a troublesome Nick alone.

You hear about this stage from the successful couples that managed to wade there way through all of the pretentious stages of a relationship. The ones that stuck it out when the odds were against them. What seemed adorable for day somehow becomes a point of aggression.

When is it okay to love somebody ?

There's always that theory of love at first sight. It's a melodramatic statement thought often by youth. In your youth everything seems much more hopeful. There are no broken hearts, no shards of glass to wade through. When you reach a certain age. Unspecified in the theories of love. You begin to question what made you this way. What made Nick so determined to love her. What made Sara react the way she did.

He hadn't even said the words.

Logic. Science. Faith. Hope. Love. Heart. Soul.

So many words with meanings as individual as the patterns you trace on a foggy window. Maybe that was part of the problem. Everything was too open for interpretation. There was no room for clarification. In a world of black and whites, they had inconveniently stumbled into shades of Grey.

Logically, he knew fear would of crept in between the carefully constructed walls she had built. So high. So strong. That he was unsure if he had the strength, or will to break through. He would willingly spend his time confined to the outside. Without the need to pry, or to intrude onto territory she had marked so personal. So heartbreaking, she dare not bring it to the light. She was consumed to a subtle guilt. Something had make her respond to the idea of love, as a small child would pull their hands away from the heat. That had been made abundantly clear, by the expression on her face. When he used the word in a sentence, not even a declaration concerning her. Although he felt it with every fiber of his being.

Scientifically, Love is a chemical reaction in our brains – likened unto addiction. We crave it because we are taught, have it pounded into us from birth, that we are part of a loving family. In response to that when we are of age we begin to crave love, looking anywhere for our next hit. We seek it in out mentors, our friends. Everywhere. It's a motivator. It makes things almost seem to good to be true. In most cases they are. This case however. It seemed more apparent to Nick at least that this was real.

Nick stared at the door, hands ideal, eyes flickering for any sign of movement, ears straining for her footsteps, well known to him, by the slow shuffle of her feet. When she was anxious or worried, guilty even, Sara had the habit of dragging her feet ever so slightly. Mostly because she hated to apologize, but none the less it was something he had observed and held dearly.

It's inexplicable how over time you learn the most intimate details of somebody. Somebody you idealize, someone who becomes a part of your thinking patterns so regularly you have to literally fight the urge to think about them every minute of everyday.

Nick had learnt the sound of her footsteps, her breathing patterns, he learnt that her hair curled when spattered with moisture, that she carried strawberry lip gloss, her smile was wide, her lips didn't then when she smiled, they remained plump and kissable. Her eyes crinkled ever so slightly, When offended by a particular stench, her nose would follow suit.

There was that familiar sound breaking his train of thoughts. The jingle of keys, the door squeaking in protest. It's hinges worn from the open and closed. Her footsteps squared in his doorway. Hairs astray across her forehead. Her eyes drinking in the sight of him. Standing where she left him. Still in the same position. Shoulders squared, jaw clenched, eyes amiss of an emotion she couldn't read.

" You can't put everything to a science Sara, you just can't "

Nick shook his head – his hands delving into his pockets.

" You just can't "

" I'm not trying to Nick"

Sara responded, slinking to close the space between them, her keys falling with a satisfying clunking upon the table top. It was a vulnerability he hadn't seen before. In their fracture of black and white, the shades of Grey had somehow managed to get them towards the point of pressing forward.

" I don't understand what you want me to learn from this Sara, you can't build a relationship without coming to the point of … You know "

Nick sighed frustrated running rigid fingertips through buzzed hair, his eyes transfixed on hers. Her lips quivering, eyes brimming with unspoken words, undefined beyond his means of being able to read her.

" I don't want to lose you because of whatever is eating you Sar... You need to let me know "

Nick held out his hand, her palm flush against his. Body heat transpiring between them.

" You need to let me know too Nick "

TBC?


	3. Chapter 3

Title – Science & Faith

Rating – Teen

Pairing – Nick & Sara

Author Notes – Apologies for taking so long to update. :) Hope u guys enjoy please let me know if you would like me to continue with this particular F.F :)

Disclaimer – These are not my Chars.

It had been so simple. Nick almost chided himself for not seeing it before. Fear. It had become so blatantly obvious; that she hadn't need to utter the word. OF COURSE. That's why. Fear is... menacing. It can twist things so brilliantly that you don't even realize it until it's too late. It's contagious. It takes hold of every logical thought and completely destroys it with such conviction that you don't question it. You just sit back and wait for it all to be over. You convince yourself of things that don't really exist in the first place. And of course your mind just takes over. Preparing little road blocks to prevent the misconceived event from ever occurring.

Nick knelt before Sara, taking her hand in his ever so gently. He puckered his lips against the smooth contours of her flesh, traced her long tapered fingers with his own. He watched her eyes. Beautiful eyes fill brim with tears. Eyes that were once clear suddenly blood shot, her lashes becoming laden with heavy tear drops that clung to them without effort. Blinking, he watched them fall across her cheeks. This was going to be one of the very few moments in his life. Words would fail him.

It was another theory in life. That actions speak louder than words. And at some stages that's true. He was kneeling in front of this beautiful woman. That was almost ready to throw in the towel before they even began. He was facing the inner turmoil. The should I; shouldn't I game.

Risk assessment was futile. Either way he knew he was going to take the chance.

This wasn't about science Vs logic anymore. It was about taking the next step.

They had adapted to becoming extremely close friends. The gesture of hand holding was of an intimate nature. A divine luxury in Nick's book. She had the softest hands he had ever felt before. Compared to his own calloused, meandering hands. Now it was time. To define.

Sara stared down at a kneeling Nick, watching his eyes fall to their entwined hands, his fingers extending to match her own. She watched the thoughts flicker via his eyes. Had watched him bow his head almost as though he were praying. The contact was broken, she felt her fingers being untangled by his. Felt his arms encircle her waist. Felt the tightness of his arms. Felt his face press against her stomach, felt his tears seeping through her shirt. Heard the strained whimpers from his lips. Before she too fell to her knees.

It wasn't clear or logical how they ended up next. 

Nicks hand caressed Sara's Neck, She leaned in towards him, their noses flush, just feeling each others breaths , the condensation apparent on each others lips. He remembers foreheads resting solely on each others before he remembers the salty taste of her lips. The way they had felt so soft, so silky smooth against his own. He focused on her breath, how it hitched in her throat, how she tasted like mint and vanilla. How the sensation had been too much for his sake. Remembers pulling her against him so roughly. The need to feel her against him overpowering any thought of logic.

He had to feel her heart thudding against his pounding chest. Had to experience the feel of that scarce bit of flesh of her stomach collide with his own. He remembers pushing his hands down her back, resting them on her hips, caressing her protruding hip bone with the up most care.

She smelt his aftershave. Tasted his tears on her lips, felt his hands raking up and down the sides of her body. She remembers how his heart had felt against her own chest, had felt his lashes brush against her cheek. The kisses were greedy, quickly exchanged, Nicks hands pushing her hair aside to plant gentle kisses against the nape of her neck. Gently at first then nuzzling, before teeth were innocently marking her flesh. Tiny crescents against his flesh from her finger nails digging in to his taunt arms.

Out of breath with Nicks dark eyes upon her. She pulled away. Her own eyes betraying her. She watched Nick struggling to catch his breath. Watched him lick his lips. He got to his feet. Padding towards the kitchen, the faucet being turned on roughly, a glass retrieved the moisture beading against his lips as a mustache.

Logic be damned.

He felt Sara's hands snake around his waist, felt her hand cover his to put the glass down. The fight for control didn't last long, as he pushed her slender frame against the counter. His hips grinding against hers. Her hair a mess laying about her shoulders. This could be the making or breaking point...

It was so hard to think with all of that blood going to other places. Again faced with the heavy decision of what to do next. Nick flailed. Sara stared at him with wide doe eyes, her lip entrapt by teeth. Her heaving chest not making things any easier. Her low slung jeans, her shirt still resting higher than usual, the skin peeking out almost taunting him to commit to it. Commit.

Sara exhaled against the girth of Nick's neck. Before pressing her lips to his collarbone. His heart racing as they fought with the logic. The science.

The theory of doubt.

TBC?


	4. Chapter 4

Title – Science & Faith – Chap 4

Rating – Teen

Pairing - Nick & Sara

Author Notes – I apologise for so long in-between, there's been three computers that died and BAH. Please Read & Review ALSO – If there is any groups or anything to do with Snicker Shippers that is active I've been looking and can't find any. I've just signed onto Live Journal as Well. So Please, PLEASE help me out and point me in the right direction to find them. Please R & R ^.^

** Also Jimmy What Episode where you talking about because I can totally do that if anybody else knows jump in and I will get it done** Thank You for all my wonderful reviews 3

Disclaimer – These are not my Chars.

Stop.

That's all he could think when he felt her lips pressing against his collar bone, felt her hands sliding across his stomach. They always did this, when things became too real, too confronting. It wasn't the worst way to avoid the topic, and albeit, he'd never reject his Sara if it wasn't so important. This was killing them, He wasn't even sure of what they were. If Status had even played apart. But this was the most destructive thing about the both of them. And while part of him enjoyed the similarity between the two, the bigger part, the one that saw the future of them together, the romanticist saw the dangers of discretion. Of hidden skeletons, and unanswered questions.

Nick hung his head low, his eyes thinning as he held her hands still, and begged her to stop. His lips claiming her forehead between small pleadings.

She tensed as his gentle begging fell upon her ears, her teeth captured between lips in annoyance, her eyebrows knitting as she contemplated pushing him away and running. It would be so much easier, to just leave. To open that damn door and just leave. She knew it. He knew it. But they both refused to acknowledge it or give it any more than a thought.

She was so used to using her body as bait, as a means of never having to speak about what she had buried in her so deep. It was so much easier to just distract from life and become lost in each other physically than it was emotionally. Physical was easy.

There was no need for sentiment, No need for the carefully chosen words wrapped around with a tender gentle voice. No melodies or complicated feelings. It was what it was. And most men that she had been with or lusted after enjoyed that she never expected anything more. But with Nick. It was so different. He wanted all those things. And she didn't know if she had the capacity to give them to him. Even if she wanted to. And she did. But she had learnt early on her life that people like her – Are often locked into certain thinking patterns. That they have certain expectations and outlooks on what a relationship is and should be like. And this just didn't fit her big picture.

But how did she get to that big picture in the first place. And was it even worth telling him about it.

The endless bantering about love being science, not a feeling had been her safety zone. She had enjoyed the logic, relished in the security it provided. Not that she was a robot, she had fundamental 'normal' emotions she had grown accustomed to life around her as it changed, had learnt through observation and what she didn't like to cultivate her emotional health. She had tried, Heaven knows how she tried. But when it came to this. She didn't know how. And this frustrated her to the point where she became outwardly angry about this beautiful man, who was standing before her. Begging her to stop giving herself to him physically and asking that she hand him her heart.

Nick remained transfixed, his eyes closed in a silent prayer, his hand smoothing her shirt as his lips pressed against her forehead, holding her close. He knew what was coming. Had sensed it and he had no idea how to handle it but rather just let it come. Or at least to hear it from her lips. What it was. What is it.

They stood like that for so long, that the drip of the tap behind them, was the only thing that could be heard aside from the gentle pecking of lips, and the sound of their breathing patterns mirroring each other. They could not and would not move, neither of them determined to break the silence.

" Why do you have to know Nick "

He sighed, letting her go. It was hostile. This was NOT the road he had wanted to go down with her. Once Sara was on the defence there was no reason, you were wrong. She was always right. And if you dare to challenge her while she was on this road, You would pay the consequences.

" Can't you just be happy with what we have "

She bit angrily, pulling away from him. Storming to collect her keys. For the second time tonight, Nick was completely at a loss. And something had finally snapped within him. And brought forth a sense of injustice so strong that he even began to raise his voice in response. Nicky Stokes. Was now screaming at the woman he loved so dearly, out of sheer desperation to hold on to her.

" What is it that we have Sara ? , Are you saying this is a 'healthy'. Because I have news for you, There is an entire world outside of those books you bury yourself in, There is more than science, There is more than the police scanner and take away, THERE IS MORE, and you never see it, YOU never feel it. Because you CHOOSE not to – It must be hard for you being so lonely all the time – It's a bad idea to be alone as much as you are, I worry about you and I care... Don't You understand that Sara ? "

" Well... Don't You ? "

" Nick I... "

" What? "

She stood her ground, squaring off his glance as she folded her arms. With one barely audible sentence.

" What if your like them ? "

" What if I'm not "


End file.
